she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Randomize
