With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
