The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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