The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
