I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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