Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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