im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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