I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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