we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
