You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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