In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
