Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
