There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
