I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
