bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
