I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
