my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
