I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's just like the Real World with babies
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
