so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
