Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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