He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
