All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
this is an emotional support booty call
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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