I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
