i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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