Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
