She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
