Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
