so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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