At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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