I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
