no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
