I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
