Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
