we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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