when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
