everyone is single if you try hard enough
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
