dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
