if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
