I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The struggles of a small town man whore
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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