I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
