she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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