next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
