Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
