Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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