remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
should my penis look like a turkey
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
