In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize