So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
