Sober January is a disaster.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
