"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All the doctor said was why
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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