After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
