I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
