drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
