I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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