Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
