I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
