hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
