went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
