I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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