Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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