if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
