i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
