Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
