My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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