omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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