It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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