that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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