Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
