well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
