i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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