their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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