best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
