I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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