Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
