I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize