Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
