His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
