pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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